I am transgender
I think I’ve always known. It was clear I wasn’t like anyone else I knew in some ways. Throughout my life, I was told to push it away. Act normal. Be normal. Drown it. Focus on school. Focus on work. I was told I’d be happier, I’d feel better. Stop, they would say, normal people don’t move that way. I’d dread every day. It’s mentally draining pretending to be someone you aren’t but you get good with practice.
When I was young, my classmates would make sure to let me know when I wasn’t properly observing unwritten gender rules – colours, favourite fictional characters, clothes, and so much more. I learned to fear that part of me. I learned to hate it. Later, I grew up reading stories online from transgender and broad LGBTQ+ experiences. People losing family and dear friends, becoming homeless, or being fired. I absorbed that, we become open to misrepresentation, assumptions, and hate when we come out.
I’ve worked with religious and secular counselors, psychiatrists, doctors for 10 years. We tried different solutions because I wished for other solutions. Because I didn’t wish to face that part of me. I really tried. And finally, I crashed. I had nothing more. I was ready to leave. Someone pulled me back. Years ago, I started medically transitioning. But that story is for another time. I was told to write about my transition but I’m not ready.
Back to basics
The transgender community generally includes transgender men, transgender women, and non binary people. Transgender men (“transmen”) are those who transition to men, vice versa for transgender women (“transwomen”), and non binary people (N-b or “enby”) are those who prefer not to be identified with either gender.
To date, only Canada has attempted to include transgender people in official national censuses. There, in 2021, transgender people made up approximately 0.3% of the 15+ population. Representative survey based data from Belgium and New Zealand have shown similar statistics1 but it is possible that these figures understate reality. Some people choose not to come out and others can blend in so – sometimes – they prefer not to call themselves transgender. The 2021 Canadian census also found that amongst transgender individuals, 28% were transgender men, 31% were transgender women, and 41% were non binary. I feel this is important to highlight because I perceive media tends to focus on journeys and challenges relating to only one group.
Since our population is small, I don’t expect most people to understand. Even with more common issues, it’s hard to fully convey how something feels. Can left handed people explain to right handed people why they prefer their dominant hand? Understanding requires trust and empathy. Not everyone can give this right now. But not understanding something doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t exist.
Now that you know some basics, I will move on to try to express how I feel through rough analogies.
I am an immigrant
By birth, I gained citizenship of one country. When my parents were in their 30’s, they decided to immigrate. Through legal processes, I transitioned to being a citizen of another country. Where I live, people refer to themselves as one group in day to day situations as well as on most government forms, regardless of what their skin colour is or what their genes say. This was not always so, however.
If I go back 100 years, there were at least two developed world countries that created laws against people of my racial background from immigrating legally. Back then, some would have been disgusted at how my parents and I can call ourselves citizens of my adoptive country today. Some leaders of that era saw people of my racial background as menaces to society. Some may not even have seen us as human. Essentially, back then, what I was at birth would’ve stopped us from immigrating – which is just another form of transitioning.
Now, no analogies are perfect. Biology is often raised when transgender transitions are discussed. I’m not a biologist. But I live in my society. Today, in my country, when adoptive parents give their gift of love and new life to their children, they become parents. In census data for countries of my region, they are grouped as parents. At school, they’re not challenged as non parents. Even between adoptive families and their medical providers, outside of exceptional circumstances, adoptive parents are parents.
I cannot say definitively but this is likely what “transmen are men, transwomen are women” was trying to express. I am not entirely comfortable with that phrase. I personally feel there are some exceptional circumstances. But I that underlying sentiment resonates with me. There is room in society to accept transgender people. But I know it’s going to take time for acceptance. I don’t know how long nor what compromises need to be made though. I don’t have every answer about being transgender.
As I wrote above, my journey has almost been 10 years now. But I have chosen invisibility during past and present Days of Transgender Visibility. It’s tiring enough to transition. As much as it’s important to be visible, I’ve also seen other transgender people in our industry burn out and speak at too many events when they come out.
Just as with every minority experience, standing out and coming out means people may re assess my character. They may forget every kind gesture, support, or help I’ve given before. They may assume my opinions on unrelated issues just because I am transgender. I may actually have no well formed opinion on some transgender related matters. I don’t claim that I know everything about my adoptive or birth country. Why does being transgender have to be any different?
Being transgender is part of who I am
Being an immigrant is part of who I am. Working in HSBC Asset Management is part of who I am. They are facets of who I am but no single dimension should define me. Just as it should be with any other person and in any society. Ideal, I know…. Acceptance of diversity will take lots of time and work. I just wish to be me.
I am not just transgender.
1 The United States, UK, and Ireland have data from crowdsourcing and other non representative surveys. These surveys show transgender people make up approximately 0.5% of those countries’ population.
Rory Muldowney talks about Dyslexia
What is your disability?
Dyslexia.
How long have you known about your disability?
I was diagnosed with the condition at the age of three.
Did you receive adjustments when you were in education?
Fortunately, my condition was spotted early, so I attended a specialist Dyslexic school between the ages of six to nine. Here, I learned coping mechanisms to effectively deal with my condition, enabling me to perform to my true potential in an academic and professional setting. I am now fortunate enough to not require any adjustments in the workplace. Nonetheless, having access to 25% extra time in exams has been an indispensable adjustment in higher education and professional exams.
Would you say your disability impacted your accessibility to higher education?
I am lucky in that I never felt barred from higher education due to my condition. However, throughout my education I perceived “being dyslexic” led to others labelling me as unable to attend the best institutions or do academically challenging subjects.
What are the greatest positives of your disability?
For context, dyslexia simply refers to an individual’s brain being “wired” differently. Illustrated by the physical manifestation of my condition: I am right-handed and left-footed!
Nonetheless, I believe my condition has benefited me in three significant ways:
- Diversity of thought: The condition leaves me unable to think like a neurotypical person, forcing me to approach problems and situations from a unique perspective. Leading to distinct outcomes and conclusions from my peers. A skill I aim to effectively leverage as an investment analyst.
- Work ethic: The effects of dyslexia on my short-term memory and processing speeds forced me to work harder, and for longer, throughout my academic life to “level the playing field”. Leading to me building an industrious work ethic, that in the long run, helps me outperform.
- Resilience: Dyslexia made primary and secondary education arduous. Yet, that hardship is now of incredible value, as it pushed me to build an “anti-fragile” approach to challenges. An approach where you improve from shocks and adversity, versus being weakened by them. A useful trait for working in financial markets!
Do you think society's attitude to dyslexia is changing?
Definitely.
The promotion of neuro-divergent thinking as an asset, as well as multiple high-profile individuals coming forward as dyslexic, has undoubtedly improved society’s view of the condition. A personal favourite is Richard Thaler, a founding father of behavioural economics and Nobel Prize recipient.
How I joined HBSC:
Pre-covid one of the biggest galas in the Hong Kong LGBT calendar was NGO, Community Business’ Annual LGBT Awards ceremony. Started in 2014, the evening celebrates LGBT inclusive companies and individuals who have moved the needle on making workplaces more inclusive. It was commonly dubbed Hong Kong’s “Gay Oscars”. I looked forward to it every year and in 2016 had the pleasure of meeting then CEO of HSBC HK, Ms. Diana Cesar. Community Business Hong Kong LGBT+ (Inclusion) Index ranks employers on their inclusion practices and since inception, HSBC has always consistently been at the top 2. The brief encounter left a deep impression on me because she was the first C-Suite of any major international bank to have graced the event. She sat at the HSBC sponsored table and stayed throughout. To see Ms. Cesar at the dinner validated in my mind the index’s findings. In 2017, when I was looking for a new career adventure I referenced past years’ indices and only considered firms which were consistently in the top 5. I used it as an objective barometer of the various companies’ culture. Later that year, I joined HSBC. I’m currently serving in Asset Management and am still enjoying my career journey with the bank.
My journey through the financial services industry:
There has been a fair amount of challenge, which constantly made me feel like my straight friends’ careers were taking off from well paved runways and I was still paving my own in order to take flight. I’ve had well-meaning straight and closeted mentors in my younger years who advised me not to be as out as I was with the good intensions of expediting my career progression. There was a shortage of visible role models who were/are in my position of being out and progressed into management. Under those settings I built my career and became determined to better the industry around me.
16 years ago as a young professional starting out, LGBT inclusion awareness was at its infancy in Asia and there was a form of “don’t ask, don’t tell” within the banking corporate culture. I was desperately looking for a role model whom I could relate to or more importantly to provide me with some sense of security that being out at work will not (at best) limit my career or (at worse) end it prematurely. I spent years looking for “her” (an out senior lesbian executive; a beacon of hope) and eventually gave up. I decided that if I couldn’t find her, I will become “her”.
Since then, on top of my demanding day job I’ve always held down multiple “gay jobs” throughout my career.
- 2010 - founded and co-chaired the Goldman Sachs Singapore Pride
- 2011 - co-chaired Credit Suisse Singapore’s Open Network in 2011 (which broke ground as the first few formal presences of LGBT+ ERGs in Singapore-based companies)
- 2013-2017 -
- Co-chaired HK LGBT Interbank Forum, a HK based banking association which rallied major banks and law firms to intervene in the same-sex spousal visa landmark case which was won in July 2018.
- Fundraiser for the first Pink Dot Hong Kong in 2014.
- Treasurer and establishing member of Outrunners HK (a sport group under the Federation of Gay Games)
- Co-chaired J.P. Morgan’s APAC Pride which oversaw 7 local pride BRGs (Business Resource Group)
- 2017-2021 -
- founded and co-chaired Lesbians in Finance (LIF), an industry group which aims to support the careers of queer females and allies in the industry
- Advisory Council of the HK LGBT Interbank Forum advising the newly elected co-chairs.
- Senior Advisor to the HSBC HK Pride ERG co-chairs
- Fundraiser for Hong Kong Marriage Equality (HKME) forum
It will be inauthentic if I say it hasn’t been at times an exhausting and stressful journey. Everyone wants change, but few want to lead it. I’m constantly presented with situations and problems most people will never have to grapple with or think about. But it has molded my character and I am stronger for it. On a personal level I get satisfaction leaving a positive legacy by improving the lives of others. On a professional level I’ve gained a wide network of business contacts and exposures I otherwise wouldn’t get in my day job (e.g. Media exposure, public speaking, selling an idea/ addressing objections, rallying people around a common cause, project managing, creating and being on an industry platform etc.). These are all important management skillsets I see as pluses so that when the next bigger challenge comes along, I’m ready.
Where to from here:
I’m currently focused on adding value to our Asset Management clients in the Liquidity space especially in this inflationary environment and look forward to supporting our colleagues who are launching innovative DE&I funds which will help further the global inclusion journey via impact investing. I’m also looking forward to taking more time for myself and continuing my personal development by enrolling for courses in B-schools in the coming year.
A blueprint for furthering Diversity, Equity & Inclusion in the investment industry
It has been over two years since I became the co-chair of HSBC Asset Management’s Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (‘DE&I’) programme. In my role the learning never stops, and it has been fascinating to discover just how vast and multifaceted the DE&I landscape is. The investment industry has certainly made some notable progress on improving DE&I, however, it started from a low base and there is still a lot of work to be done. Based on my own learnings, I have outlined five key actions that companies could aim to implement to further the progress of DE&I.